


Steve fights Thanos with Big Zappers

by OnlyForward



Category: Black Widow - Fandom, Captain America, Iron Man - Fandom, MCU, Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, Steve Rogers - Fandom, friendship - Fandom
Genre: #apologyfromme, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-10
Updated: 2020-03-10
Packaged: 2021-03-01 03:49:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,285
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23098861
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OnlyForward/pseuds/OnlyForward
Summary: This is a randomly generated movie script which happens to accurately depict the characters pretty well.....STEVEI cannot tolerate that kind of behaviour! Those civilians were defenceless! Well now they have a defender - and that's me! Steve Rogers defender of innocent civilians.
Relationships: Captain America/Iron Man, Steve/Tony, Tony/Steve
Comments: 1
Kudos: 6





	Steve fights Thanos with Big Zappers

INT. THE AVENGERS TOWER - AFTERNOON

Patriotic Hero CAPTAIN STEVE ROGERS is arguing with secretive mechanic MR TONY STARK. STEVE tries to hug TONY but he shakes him off.

STEVE  
Please Tony, don't leave me.  
TONY  
I'm sorry Steve, but I'm looking for somebody a bit more brave. Somebody who faces his fears head on, instead of running away.  
STEVE  
I am such a person!  
TONY frowns.

TONY  
I'm sorry, Steve. I just don't feel excited by this relationship anymore.  
TONY leaves.

STEVE sits down, looking defeated.

Moments later, sad Probably a spy MISS NATASHA ROMANOFF barges in looking flustered.

STEVE  
Goodness, Natasha! Is everything okay?  
NATASHA  
I'm afraid not.  
STEVE  
What is it? Don't keep me in suspense...  
NATASHA  
It's ... an alien ... I saw an evil alien make half of them disappear a bunch of civilians!  
STEVE  
Defenseless civilians?  
NATASHA  
Yes, defenseless civilians!  
STEVE  
Bloomin' heck, Natasha! We've got to do something.  
NATASHA  
I agree, but I wouldn't know where to start.  
STEVE  
You can start by telling me where this happened.  
NATASHA  
I was...  
NATASHA fans herself and begins to wheeze.

STEVE  
Focus Natasha, focus! Where did it happen?  
NATASHA  
Sam’s flat! That's right - Sam’s flat!  
STEVE springs up and begins to run.

EXT. A ROAD - CONTINUOUS

STEVE rushes along the street, followed by NATASHA. They take a short cut through some back gardens, jumping fences along the way.

INT. SAM’S FLAT - SHORTLY AFTER

GRAPE (PURPLE) THANOS a destructive alien terrorises two civilians.

STEVE, closely followed by NATASHA, rushes towards GRAPE (PURPLE), but suddenly stops in his tracks.

NATASHA  
What is is? What's the matter?  
STEVE  
That's not just any old alien, that's Grape (Purple) Thanos!  
NATASHA  
Who's Grape (Purple) Thanos?  
STEVE  
Who's Grape (Purple) Thanos? Who's Grape (Purple) Thanos? Only the most destructive alien in the universe!  
NATASHA  
Blinkin' knickers, Steve! We're going to need some help if we're going to stop the most destructive alien in the universe!  
STEVE  
You can say that again.  
NATASHA  
Blinkin' knickers, Steve! We're going to need some help if we're going to stop the most destructive alien in the universe!  
STEVE  
I'm going to need big zappers, lots of big zappers.  
Grape (Purple) turns and sees Steve and Natasha. He grins an evil grin.

GRAPE (PURPLE)  
Steve Rogers, we meet again.  
NATASHA  
You've met?  
STEVE  
Yes. It was a long, long time ago...

EXT. A PARK - BACK IN TIME

A young STEVE is sitting in a park listening to some Jazz music, when suddenly a dark shadow casts over him.

He looks up and sees GRAPE (PURPLE). He takes off his headphones.

GRAPE (PURPLE)  
Would you like some American candy?  
STEVE's eyes light up, but then he studies GRAPE (PURPLE) more closely, and looks uneasy.

STEVE  
I don't know, you look kind of destructive.  
GRAPE (PURPLE)  
Me? No. I'm not destructive. I'm the least destructive alien in the world.  
STEVE  
Wait, you're a alien?  
STEVE runs away, screaming.

INT. SAM’S FLAT - PRESENT DAY

GRAPE (PURPLE)  
You were a coward then, and you are a coward now.  
NATASHA  
(To STEVE) You ran away?  
STEVE  
(To NATASHA) I was a young child. What was I supposed to do?  
STEVE turns to GRAPE (PURPLE).

STEVE  
I may have run away from you then, but I won't run away this time!  
STEVE runs away.

He turns back and shouts.

STEVE  
I mean, I am running away, but I'll be back - with big zappers.  
GRAPE (PURPLE)  
I'm not scared of you.  
STEVE  
You should be.

INT. ASGARD - LATER THAT DAY

STEVE and NATASHA walk around searching for something.

STEVE  
I feel sure I left my big zappers somewhere around here.  
NATASHA  
Are you sure? It does seem like an odd place to keep deadly big zappers.  
STEVE  
You know nothing Natasha Romanoff.  
NATASHA  
We've been searching for ages. I really don't think they're here.  
Suddenly, GRAPE (PURPLE) appears, holding a pair of big zappers.

GRAPE (PURPLE)  
Looking for something?  
NATASHA  
Crikey, Steve, he's got your big zappers.  
STEVE  
Tell me something I don't already know!  
NATASHA  
The earth's circumference at the equator is about 40,075 km.  
STEVE  
I know that already!  
NATASHA  
I’m gay.  
GRAPE (PURPLE)  
(appalled) Dude!  
While GRAPE (PURPLE) is looking at NATASHA with disgust, STEVE lunges forward and grabs his deadly big zappers. He wields them, triumphantly.

STEVE  
Prepare to die, you destructive singular pea!  
GRAPE (PURPLE)  
No please! All I did was make half of them disappear a bunch of civilians!  
TONY enters, unseen by any of the others.

STEVE  
I cannot tolerate that kind of behaviour! Those civilians were defenceless! Well now they have a defender - and that's me! Steve Rogers defender of innocent civilians.  
GRAPE (PURPLE)  
Don't hurt me! Please!  
STEVE  
Give me one good reason why I shouldn't use these big zappers on you right away!  
GRAPE (PURPLE)  
Because Steve, I am your father.  
STEVE looks stunned for a few moments, but then collects himself.

STEVE  
No you're not!  
GRAPE (PURPLE)  
Ah well, it had to be worth a try.  
GRAPE (PURPLE) tries to grab the big zappers but STEVE dodges out of the way.

STEVE  
Who's the daddy now? Huh? Huh?  
Unexpectedly, GRAPE (PURPLE) slumps to the ground.

NATASHA  
Did he just faint?  
STEVE  
I think so. Well that's disappointing. I was rather hoping for a more dramatic conclusion, involving my deadly big zappers.  
STEVE crouches over GRAPE (PURPLE)'s body.

NATASHA  
Be careful, Steve. It could be a trick.  
STEVE  
No, it's not a trick. It appears that... It would seem... Grape (Purple) Thanos is dead!  
STEVE  
What?  
STEVE  
Yes, it appears that I scared him to death.  
NATASHA claps her hands.

NATASHA  
So your big zappers did save the day, after all.  
TONY steps forward.

TONY  
Is it true? Did you kill the destructive alien?  
STEVE  
Tony how long have you been...?  
TONY puts his arm around STEVE.

TONY  
Long enough.  
STEVE  
Then you saw it for yourself. I killed Grape (Purple) Thanos.  
TONY  
Then the civilians are safe?  
STEVE  
It does seem that way!  
A crowd of vulnerable civilians enter, looking relived.

TONY  
You are their hero.  
The civilians bow to STEVE.

STEVE  
There is no need to bow to me. I seek no worship. The knowledge that Grape (Purple) Thanos will never make half of them disappear civilians ever again, is enough for me.  
TONY  
You are humble as well as brave!  
One of the civilians passes STEVE a powerful Gauntlet

TONY  
I think they want you to have it, as a symbol of their gratitude.  
STEVE  
I couldn't possibly.  
Pause.

STEVE  
Well, if you insist.  
STEVE takes the Gauntlet.

STEVE  
Thank you.  
The civilians bow their heads once more, and leave.

STEVE turns to TONY.

STEVE  
Does this mean you want me back?  
TONY  
Oh, Steve, of course I want you back!  
STEVE smiles for a few seconds, but then looks defiant.

STEVE  
Well you can't have me.  
TONY  
WHAT?  
STEVE  
You had no faith in me. You had to see my scare a alien to death before you would believe in me. I don't want a lover like that.  
TONY  
But...  
STEVE  
Please leave. I want to spend time with the one person who stayed with me through thick and thin - my best friend, Natasha.  
NATASHA grins.

TONY  
But...  
NATASHA  
You heard the gentleman. Now be off with you. Skidaddle! Shoo!  
TONY  
Steve?  
STEVE  
I'm sorry Tony, but I think you should skidaddle.  
TONY leaves.

NATASHA turns to STEVE.

NATASHA  
Did you mean that? You know ... that I'm your best friend?  
STEVE  
Of course you are!  
The two walk off arm in arm.

Suddenly NATASHA stops.

NATASHA  
When I said I’m gay, you know I was just trying to distract the alien don't you?  
THE END


End file.
